How to Walk Away From a Toxic Relationship
A guide to improving your relationships
Every relationship goes through trials and tribulations. There will be times when you just cannot stand to be in the same room with your person. Learning to walk away is the most important step to learn in a healthy relationship.
However, there will be a point when you need to analyze the relationship, and determine if your relationship with this person is healthy, or if you seem to be stuck in a toxic relationship with no end in sight.
Defining a healthy relationship
A healthy relationship should consist of supporting one another. You should want to see your person do better and grow as a person. You should lift each other up, not bring one another down. Your person should want to help you do the same.
“A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams, or your dignity.” — Dinkar Kalotra
It is important to maintain your individuality in a relationship. Both partners should encourage one another to make time for their friends and family. Take time for yourself to do things you love. Create, watch a movie, go out for a self date, read a book, play a game, do whatever it is that you loved to do before a relationship was thrown into the mix.
Communication is the most important skill to master in your relationship. It is important to learn how to discuss concerns and issues in a productive manner. You should be able to communicate without yelling and degrading the other person.
If the conversation gets heated, step away, and circle back. Explain that you are feeling overwhelmed and angry and that the conversation will be more productive once you have both calmed down.
Compromise is essential to a healthy relationship. Sometimes, what you want and what the other person wants will not always be the same thing. You have to meet in the middle.
Trust is key in a healthy relationship. If there are trust issues, the relationship will fall apart. Don’t use technology to spy on your person. If it goes that far, the relationship has sailed. Don’t make your partner constantly check in with you. Don’t force activities when the other person says no. Do not accuse.
All of these steps are important to maintaining a healthy relationship that makes you both happy. Relationships require 100% effort from both parties at all times. If you aren’t happy, talk to your partner. If it can’t be fixed, don’t be afraid to end things.
Defining a toxic relationship
I have been a toxic partner. I will be the first to admit that I have relied on relationships for my own happiness. I have been controlling and vindictive. It is wrong to be toxic but you can grow from your toxicity. Notice when you are exhibiting toxic behaviors.
Your relationship should make you feel happy. If your partner constantly makes you feel drained and upset, it may be time to call it quits. If you and your partner are constantly yelling at one another and it never gets better, this is a sure sign of toxicity.
If trust is lacking, this can turn toxic really fast. Once you start checking the other person’s messages and monitoring their every move, the trust has gone.
In my first real relationship, I was head over heels in love with my partner. Then one day, I started getting phone calls from one of my ex’s exes. She would tell me she had been together with my boyfriend. She kept calling me and texting me. It started to border on harassment.
Then there were others. I started to look at his phone any chance I got. Then, I started asking his friends where he was. I even showed up at his work once to make sure he was actually working. The trust had gone out the window after that first phone call from his ex.
Had I been smart about it, I would have just left. Instead, I kept hanging onto something that was not there because I truly loved him. I was so paranoid of losing him that I just drove myself crazy. I ended up hurting myself in the process and endangered my mental health. The relationship was very toxic and was killing me.
Of course, it eventually ended. However, by then I had been damaged with trust issues for a long time. Until I found my current healthy relationship, my self-esteem was destroyed, I could not trust anyone, and I thought all hope was lost. I became toxic in relationships.
I am still learning how to love properly after 6 years. I am learning how to let arguments go, how to quit controlling, and how to be supportive. Once you learn to let go and just be happy, it gets easier.
Take time away to pursue things that you love. Don’t lose yourself in the relationship. That is the best advice I can give.
Walking away
No one should ever accept the above toxic behavior. You have two options, talk to each other, and get relationship counseling or break it off.
You have to remember that life is very short. It is too short to be walking on eggshells or to be stuck in an unhappy relationship.
You deserve to be happy.
Knowing when to walk away is the hardest lesson to learn. If this person has told you that they will be better and they continue to make the same mistakes time and time again, it is time to walk away.
“As you remove toxic people from your life, you free up space and emotional energy for positive, healthy relationships.”― John Mark Green
If you have decided to walk away, a conversation has to be had. Remind yourself that this has to end. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated into staying. Retain your composure and be respectful.
Next steps
Tell a friend or two beforehand so you have someone to come to afterward to talk about your feelings. Counseling could be beneficial as well. You have made the right decision. Take some time to get to know yourself again and heal.
You will likely always carry the love you have for this person with you forever. However, you will find that with each passing day it gets easier to go through life without them. You will be happy again without the constant hostility bringing you down.
Eventually, you will find love again. You will find a positive relationship and learn to be happy again. You will remember the memories you had with that person but you will know you made the right decision by walking away. One day, it will just click and suddenly you will feel grateful for the chance to grow and learn.
I know this to be true because I have lived it. I went through a toxic relationship that drained me. I walked away. I took a year off college to find myself and I built up my self-esteem. Then, my healthy relationship found me when I was healthy and already thriving. We have been together for 5 years now. You deserve to be happy too. Don’t be afraid to be alone.
“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.” — Robin Williams
